I’ve figured out the problem with the typical American workweek
My solution may be unconventional.
(This is about as close as I’ll get to a total shitpost, but there is some truth behind it.)
There has been a fair amount of discussion as of late about the state of the American work week. Do we really need to be working 40-hour weeks anymore? Haven’t the advances in technology made things easy enough that we shouldn’t have to?
These are fair questions to ask. In places that have begun trying out 32-hour work weeks, the results have been surprisingly positive. Now, there are some professions where this is never going to happen. Mine is one of them. We can’t just work more efficiently and take care of another day’s news ahead of time.
And that’s what brings me to the solution. I have figured out the problem. The solution? Well, that’s a different discussion. But I think I know what the plague of the American work week is.
Tuesday.
It’s fucking Tuesday.
Here’s my reasoning. Every other standard workday in the Monday through Friday configuration has a defined role and purpose. A raison d’etre, if you will. Tuesday just doesn’t. It truly doesn’t need to be there.
MONDAY: Call me Garfield, because I’m overweight, sarcastic, I love lasagna…and I hate Mondays. But they serve a distinct purpose. It’s the start of the week. It’s back-to-the-office day. It gets the ball rolling. Mondays suck, but they are essential.
WEDNESDAY: Hump Day. The midpoint of the traditional work week. Once you get through it, the light at the end of the weekly tunnel becomes visible. We’ve all had those weeks where we tell ourselves, “If I can just make it through Wednesday, I’ll be all right.” Wednesday is a key marker in the weekly work war of attrition.
THURSDAY: The final true weekday. You’re more than halfway through. The weekend is in sight, but you still have plenty of time to knock out essential work tasks and responsibilities. There’s even football in the fall.
FRIDAY: Ah…beautiful, lovely Friday. When everyone’s standards start to slip a little. Postpone that meeting. Put off that conference call. Slide out of the office a little bit early. Friday is a glorious gateway to the weekend; a day when we can be as productive as we choose but still launch ourselves into true post-work enjoyment. Friday is universally adored.
Those all need to be there. Without a single one of them, the workweek would feel disjointed and off. Notice what wasn’t included. Because NOBODY would fucking miss it.
I’m looking at you, Tuesday. It’s time to go. You are pointless. Nobody likes you.
Just imagine a Tuesdayless week. Soak it in, and picture how well it would flow. Mondays would remain in place and do their job. Wednesday would still be Hump Day, but you wouldn’t really reach that hump until the end of the day. No great loss. Thursday and Friday, everyone’s favorite workdays, simply arrive sooner. “Is it Thursday already?” would be a common sentiment in this magnificent, post-Tuesday world. And Friday. Good old Friday. Nice to see you back again.
Literally the only thing I think that would be missed if we eliminated Tuesday from the calendar is Taco Tuesday. And honestly, as much as I love the idea, I think it’s more a marketing ploy than anything. I couldn’t tell you the last time I went out for tacos on a Tuesday. You know what would make much more sense? Taco THURSDAY. Sure, it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue with the same alliterative appeal. But logistically, it’s worlds better. It’s a change I’m happy to adopt immediately.
Now, yes, you’re probably saying…we can’t just get rid of Tuesday. And technically, you’re probably right. It’s miraculous that our calendar works as well as it does at keeping weeks, months, seasons, and years from one to the next, seemingly into infinity. And I understand that just deleting 52 days from the year would be a challenge.
But, I mean…that’s what scientists are for. There must be a workaround. Let’s put a crack team of researchers on this. Tuesday, you’re just making our weeks worse. It’s time for you to go.
Agreed! I used to work a p/t job where I worked M-W-Th. It was great! Work Monday, have Tuesday off to get over Monday-itis, work Wed-Thu then ta-da! Weekend!
Tuesday, you're obsolete. Bugger off.